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Hey Everybody!

I've moved! Check out my new blog at www.myspace.com/cinderali

A Day of Blessing

Have you ever experienced a day that you just felt like every moment was ordained by God? This morning church was absolutely incredible. The worship and words from the Lord brought us into his presence in a way that I'm not sure I've ever experienced before. That proceeded into a lunch with a family from the church that served as an amazing relationship-building bridge. A relaxing afternoon at home with my mom was followed by a nice visit with an old friend. I wrapped up the evening at the Remnant. Thank you, Travis, for not only brining us into worship, but serving us the Word while driving people to a deeper way of relating to one another. Alone, each of these things is "nice". Together in the package of a single day, however, it has the hand print of God.

Thank you Lord for loving me so much that even when I'm not seeking you whole heartedly, I run full blast into you. Thank you for revealing yourself to me today and pursuing me. I choose to serve you.

I'm Alive!

Jared and Matt! I'm alive and blogging again! Can you believe it?

Those of you who don't know, I've been doing this little experiment. Everyday for 30 days I wake up and pray a simple prayer--"Surprise me, God". At first I was just excited about what God was going to do in me this month. Then Travis, the wise friend that he is, gave me a little warning that the journey may not be all peachy keen (I take artistic lisence with his exact terminology). The last thirteen days have been quite the roller coaster, that is for sure. Most of the surprises have been much kinder than the first--the day God showed me my sin and my true self. They have ranged from a simple kind word from a new friend--love you Sarah--to the mind blowing realization that I am not afraid of my dad anymore. Today, in much opposition to day one, I sat watching a movie with some friends tonight and realized that for probably the first time in my life, I really like myself. That must sound terribly absurd to most of you but please realize that I have never felt like the person I felt like I was matched up with who people said I was. I'm starting to believe they are a lot closer to one in the same than I thought. Today's surprise was good and uplifting. Tomorrow, I may be knocked off my socks and regret this whole thing, but I will still wake up the day after tomorrow and say, "Surprise me, God". You see, the one thing that I have most certainly learned in the past two weeks, is that to expect God around every corner means that you look for him around every corner and a mundane existence becomes a journey!

What's tomorrow's surprise?

Chick Flicks: The Other Porn

Every girl desires her husband...it's part of the curse of the Fall, remember. We dream and think and only with the greatest of discipline can we be content where and how we are. The desire for him is God-given, but the overwhelming obsession to finally be united with him, whoever he is, is not God-given.

So this great discipline? What is the key to abstaining it? Men, I'm speaking a little outside of my realm of expertise here, but from talking to several friends I've come to understand that the problem of struggling with pornography isn't really the pictures themselves, but the images burned permanently on the brain. Nothing will ever match up to that "perfect" picture. See the problem of pornography, apparently, is that it skews reality and makes fantasy much more appealing.

I realize that it is not just a male problem, but that some females struggle with this addiction as well. However, I suggest that there is a much larger, more powerful trigger for women.

I was walking across campus a couple of weeks ago after seeing an amazing love story with some friends. I was alone and started crying. "God all I want is to have someone see me. To have a man pick me out of a crowd and chase me." Like every girl, I have these weepy nights every once in awhile when I loose a grip on my contentment and let my desires drive me into dissatisfaction. After balling my eyes out for a few minutes, the Lord said to me, "Alison, how do you expect to be content when you keep feeding your brain with images of a world that doesn't exist."

The gorgeous teacher does not always run out an meet you on the pitchers mound at the last second. The prince doesn't always choose the beautiful step-daughter of the mean baroness. The guy you've been e-mailing doesn't always take over your business and then sweep you off your feet. Mr. Coolson, Prince Henry and Joe Fox don't really exist. Their stories put an "image" in our minds of romance and true love. Nothing men in out lives can do will ever match up to these carefully scripted stories. The poor guys don't have a chance. The problem is that these movies, or novels, skew reality and make fantasy much more appealing. Sound familiar?

We can never be content with reality if we submerse ourselves in fantasy to the point of obsession. There is still beauty, adventure and romance in real life. And it is actually more exciting than the fantasy when you get your head out of the fantasy long enough to experience.

So to wrap it all up, I am continuing the fight to be content where the Lord places me. Reality is adventure when you follow blindly!

An Intimate God

Something I've discovered while going about the business of growing up is that I'm not the only one that craves the kind of relationships required for those "Heart Friendships". God desires that as well.

Growing up in the church, I went every time the building was open, said my prayers at night and read my Bible faithfully. I even became that annoying kid in every school that carried her Bible around and told people they were going to Hell. I was so busy doing all of the right things and saying everything that I was "supposed" to that I forgot to invest in the relationship.

It wasn't until some really horrible times in my life in the past few years that I've learned to "be real" with God. At one point this past year I even remember saying to God, "I know what you're telling me to do. I'm not going to do it and I'm angry at you for telling me to."

Hold the lightening bolts--I'm actually suggesting that you tell God when you're mad! David did. Thanks Dr. Lennox, for showing me that. Read through the Psalms...one even mentions bashing the heads of the Babylonian babies against the rocks. Or how about the one that references God as the drunken man waking up on the stupor in the morning? And these are supposed to be used in worship!

The essence of worship is intimacy. What is intimacy without honesty? Pain, confusion, frustration and even anger are emotions that we can share with God. What freedom there is! I don't have to fake and I don't have to hide. I'm just me...no apologies or cover ups.

Heart Friends

So how to start a blog...hmmm...Intimidating. I guess I'll start with the first thing on my mind. I had the opportunity for a really great conversation yesterday and the remnants have been percolating in my brain since.

In my life I have had the privilege to build a lot of friendships with a lot of different people. All are special and I enjoy all, but a few rise to the top. They are the handful of people that seem to strike my heart in a way that others can't seem to. Or maybe I select those that get to see my heart. In any case, these "heart friends" really get me. They know my fears, my hurts, my temptations and my failures. These few people have amazing hearts themselves and have taught me about life and love. That was a cliche, I know, sorry but it's true. They've stretched me. One in particular, questions everything about life and challenges me to always look at situations through a different perspective. Another friend--actually my old roommate--lives a life of discipline and simply by example challenges me to do the same.

But even this isn't the essence and beauty of these relationships. The essence and beauty is that they are mutual. The worst day of my life was the day I had to face my father in court. Several friends came to support me, but one in particular shared my pain of that day. Two years later, I had the privilege to walk through the darkest time in her life with her and come out with a deeper understanding of God's grace and love. "Heart friends" push you and drive you toward the throne of Christ.

God is so incredible to put us together in Community like this. Realizing the intricate way that we fit together for the glory of God is means for worship.